My Work on this area of relationships and family comes from personal experience and concepts in Structural and Systematic Life Coaching. I have learned that by knowing the type of marriage you want, and by knowing what kind of environment you want your kids to grow up in. This will help you keep focus on the daily struggles of being married with children.
Here are the four things you can do as a couple to make things easier.
1.- Team work:
Division of time and labor. This means having time together a a family so that free tine doesn't thought of as only time away from the family.
Giving the mother the ability to call the shots regarding a baby or young child. Teach young father that his role is to support his wife in her instincts and as a mother. She has just done thought a biological shifts that man can't truly comprehend. So the best way for him is to support her to be present, loving and nurturing towards her. Then sh is free to up to better take care of the baby, asking for his help when needed. Of course, some couples are masters at navigating this area. They both work, take care and fee the babies. You should never argue with what work for couples. Instead applaud this part of their marriage.
Its very common for romance to take second place to the needs of caring for and loving an infant. Each partner needs to take responsibility for showing physical love and passion to each other/. Often, a wife will need to be appreciated and reminded of her physical beauty after having a child. A husband will need to reminded that he is loved and important. Even if the couple decided to let the wife lead when it comes to caring for the baby. The wife need to give significance and importance to the husband. Daily reminders of appreciations are essential to keeping flame of romance burning.
It is important to create rituals for meeting each others's needs and understand each other's Six Human Needs so that you can hit the bull's eye with your partner more often. This is because you've got less leisure time to figure things out. You need to be more targeted about what really meets your partner needs. If you know that your wife loves coffee in the morning, then maker her coffee. These are rituals where you can understand how to meet your partner's needs.
4.- Loyalty and Boundaries:
The third priority for this stage of life is to manage your loyalties. Again, this is another part of reinforcing the couple. When there is a child or children things shift dramatically because when a new baby is born it is a magnet to extended family. This probably interferes with the couple's opportunity to strengthen their relationship in the face of whatever criticism might be going around.
GROUND RULES FOR THE IN LAWS
-Never take another family member's side against your partner.
-Don't agree with a negative opinion that he or she, may have. If a mother in law is in the house and she is talking about how the house can be better taken care of, then the husband and wife will need to acknowledge that the parent is judging the spouse and they both need to take a strong, loving stance. you don't go and agree with this mother in law.
-Never take the child's side against the other parent.(malignant triangulation)
-Praise your partner loudly and effusively in public. It is important to interrupt them by giving your partner passionate kiss or a hug giving her a compliment for example.
Nowadays children are suffering the consequences of adults' decisions. Children need to have both parents, ideally in the home. Couples need to understand that family is a blessing and that it is our privilege to have and be part of a family. As a couple you now have your very own family, your very own kingdom. Now , do your best to bring about in those children all the goodness and love you can teach and pour into them. Finally, I had four children and a husband and I know for a fact it is not easy. So... for those times when you need a little help call SusanaHedmansCoaching at (386-983-5403 make an appointment. Why? because now you have a reason to fight! YOUR FAMILY!
I knowyou are trying to get answers from the outside, but its in your inside the answer lays. You are trying to get answers from the people around you. Maybe even thinking that, if they change then you change. It would not be strange for you to also consider that if your circumstances change, then everything would be all right.
I am sorry to bust your bubble, but that is not going to happen. The answers we seek are on the inside. The questions we ask are very intimate and personal. The questions we ask others are a reflection of our own thinking. And, to make it even worse, our thinking is corrupted by too many outside influences. Probably that is why you may think that is outside of you, that you will find what you are seeking.
The truth is that until you decide what direction to take. Until you decide what you want in life. Ok let me put it plainly: until you take the time to ask yourself what you want, where you are going and, and, and, and write it down, yes write it down. Believe you me! nothing is going to change.
Nowadays, you don't have an excuse to remain in the same place. There are plenty of resources that can help you create the change you need or want. Here's the thing thou, you MUST want it. Yes, you must want it so bad. You must be sick of being where you're been. You must have a real good reason why to move on.
Many people remain stuck for years. Never looking for help. Thinking that someone out there cares. Sadly no one is going to come rescue you. No, you,rescue yourself because you have been equipped with everything pertaining to life. Our God gave us everything we need to make the right choice for us. Now, I do understand that life comes at you fast, but that is why you MUST know who you are, what you want and where are you going. when you do know, then the problems of life will now become challenges that you know you are equipped to solved. You must be responsible for your own actions and reactions. Not just to other people but the reaction and actions you take against yourself. (e.i not making good choices. or jeopardizing your goals) I am available. You know I've been there. I know how it feels to get stuck. I still do sometimes. But when that happens I make my self remember that am worth trying again....
You are precious and worth trying and never giving up. Decide today, take the time to write down the changes you are going to create. Changes that will make you a better you, and a more loving person to those you love.
To Your Success
In His Services
How many times have you lost control of yourself when you're angry?
Did you do, or said something which you later regretted?
I guess we all have had those moments in life. It's normal, and after all, we are just human.
beings. Imperfectly awesome!!
Everyone of us faces problems with anger. The main difference between you and me is that,
I do know how to gain control of my anger, instead of letting it control me.
It's not easy to gain control of your anger, especially when you are provoked into such situations.
Nevertheless, if you are faced with this situation next time, you can try out my
5 simple steps.
Identify what makes you upset.
1-Start with identifying what upsets your feelings or emotions.
Pull yourself aside from everything you are doing and from the anger situation you are in.
2-Take a deep breathe and clear your mind.
Think, what brought you into this situation.
You need to know what is wrong in order to correct it. Right?
You'd probably already knew what made you angry.
You might not have the complete clear idea of it, but that's OK.
At least you have an idea.
You're upset because the little voices
inside your head are telling yourself upsetting things.
This in return causes a stir in your feelings,
therefore resulting in anger.
4-Stop all these little voices from talking within yourself, and you'll be able
to think independently and not being influenced by them and the situation.
Tell yourself positive things. It's important to think positive. You can counteract your upsetting
thoughts with framing your mind to have a positive self-message.
Tell yourself something nice that will make you feel better.
For instance, this anger feeling is only temporary and I don't want to say or do something stupid which I will regret later.
5- Put the brakes on your feelings. Tell yourself to slow down and take it easy. Make yourself
Clarify the situation for yourself.
Ask yourself, What is really going on in this situation?
You can then feel disappointed with the situation but not enraged at the people who are creating it. or you think they are creating it.
Step 5 Think of constructive goals. I know this sound simplistic, but its important for the brain to ha e something to pull it out of the negativity.
Try to set more realistic goals for yourself in regard to the problem situation that you are in.
Ask yourself, What are the alternative solutions that I use to resolve this situation?
Be specific as possible, and concrete.
What can you do to change this situation?
List out the constructive options that you have in mind in which to reach your goals.
Ask yourself, What constructive actions can I take to reach my goals? Finally, choose a
constructive option to reach your goal and act fast on it.
The 5 simple steps that I had just pointed out to you are exactly what I do whenever I'm faced with anger situations. You can try them out when you are faced with such situations.
Everyone gets angry at times, but the important thing is, to have a healthy relationship with anger.
What can you do to overcome this situation?
Gain control of your anger, rather than letting it control you.
sometimes we need help. Please don't hesitate to call me and make and appointment.
Susana Hedman, SI, NLP
Author Susana Hedman
The Key to Everlasting Love